Words Hurt Worse than Sticks and Stones

• Good job.
• I'm proud of you.
• You look beautiful.
• You are a great [insert noun here].

Compliments. Words of encouragement. We all love to hear them, don't we? I know I do. It not only makes me feel good when people make positive comments about me, but it inspires me to continue improving and doing well in those areas. And it makes me want to encourage others.

• I'm so sick of you.
• Why do you always have to [insert negative action here]?
• Why are you always so [insert negative characteristic here]?
• You are stupid.

Negative criticisms. Words of discouragement. We don't love these so much, do we? I know I don't. Not only does it make me feel bad when people make negative comments about me, but it makes me either want to "show them" (with impure motives) or just discourages me. Worse than that, however, I find it makes me more negative too.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I'm not blaming others for my own poor attitude or decisions. I am responsible for my own decisions. But as imperfect people, I am speaking of the reality that these things tend to impact us. As the saying goes, "Hurt people hurt people."

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will ever hurt me." Have you ever heard this old saying? Sorry to be negative for a moment, but I totally disagree with it. Words absolutely can and often do hurt us, much deeper than any physical injury sticks and stones could cause.

Perhaps you're a positive person always looking to compliment. If you are, that's awesome. Please keep being you. But if you're like me, then you struggle with this sometimes.

I sometimes find it so much easier to see the negative than the positive. Not only in others, but also in myself. But there's no benefit in such negativity.

Proverbs 18:21 says:

Death and life are in the power of the tongue,   and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Words can hurt. But words can heal too. Let's be honest with ourselves. There are enough people speaking death over the people in our lives that they can use some words of life from us. It may be difficult because of the negativity we hear in our own lives. But we must be intentional and push through the negativity and choose to be people who speak life today.

Hurt people do tend to hurt people. But hurt people who find the grace and mercy Christ offers to empower them to lay their hurt at His feet can overcome and help heal (love, encourage) people.

So let's be intentional today and remember the following:

It's better to compliment than criticize.

It's better to encourage than enrage.

Tis the Season

Well, it's official...the Christmas season is upon us. While different people begin celebrating the Christmas season at different times and for different reasons (we begin listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas movies starting on November 1st but don't really do anything else to celebrate Christmas until after Thanksgiving) most people recognize the Christmas season to be in full swing by December 1st. Many houses (and some businesses) are outlined by lights, have wreaths on doors and/or have decorated Christmas trees standing prominently in their front window. Most cities/towns have put up their annual Christmas displays. Many churches and some homes have erected their nativity scenes (and not a few incorrectly according to historical evidence considering the fact that the wise men did not arrive until Jesus was at least 2 years old). Every store you walk into is playing Christmas music while red and green dominate the color palate. Yes indeed, it's officially the Christmas season!

Easter is my favorite holiday because of what it represents. But Christmas is my favorite holiday season for all that it encompasses. While Easter is when we celebrate the death and resurrection of Christ Jesus for our sins, I cannot ignore the fact that this never would have happened if Jesus didn't first come in humility as a baby. Though we know that Jesus was likely born in the fall and almost certainly not on December 25th, this is the time that has long been designated as the day to celebrate the Lord's birth so I have no problems recognizing it as such. First and foremost, Christmas is a time to thank God for His love for us in humbling himself to live as a man to ultimately die on our behalf for our sins. As the old saying goes, we must never take Christ out of Christmas!

As I mentioned above though, I enjoy the Christmas season for all that it encompasses. While Jesus' birth is always at the forefront, I do enjoy the music, the movies, the lights, the decorations, the family and friends, the food, the opening of Christmas presents and the overall experience that it offers. I do not believe that these things overshadow Christ; I believe they are a separate element altogether which we can celebrate. In fact, I celebrate and thank God for the birth of Christ every day! This is not something that we should give thanks for only once a year.

Santa or not Santa, that is the question. Many people have many differing views on Santa. I've known Christians who have embraced Santa (in varying degrees and ways), Christians who have been indifferent about Santa and Christians who have been vehemently opposed to Santa. Where should we stand? Well, I believe that this is an area that each person must determine for himself/herself. There is no cut and dry answer. As for us, we are no Santa people while not being vehemently opposed to him overall. Look, St. Nicholas seems to have been a pretty cool, generous guy historically. With him, I have no issues. With what Santa has become I do have some issues though. I'm sure I could think of more, but there are three main reasons that we do not do Santa in our household (again please know that this is a decision that we have come to for us and we are not suggesting that everyone needs to come to this same decision; your decision on this matter is certainly not an essential for salvation). You may be shocked to discover that none of my three reasons are overtly religious in nature. In fact, I have met some non-Christians who do not do Santa for some similar reasons. Anyway, here are my three reasons:

1. The Letdown - I've seen more than one kid shed more than one tear when discovering that Santa is not actually real. It can be heartbreaking for kids to discover that Santa's not real. While it may be cute for a season, it could have negative impact down the line. Some kids don't have this issue at all. So for some it's a huge deal that Santa is fake and for some it's no big deal at all. The problem...I don't know which category Genevieve would fall under. I'm not prepared to break her heart when she gets older. (There also is an belief out there that I at least partially subscribe to that says that children may also begin to question if you were lying to them about Jesus all along too; Obviously this could be dealt with, but why put myself in that place where I would need to). I know that some people believe that the fun kids have for the time they do believe outweighs the letdown when they learn the truth. I respect that belief, I just don't hold to it myself.
2. The Appreciation - One of my goals in raising Genevieve is to ensure that she grows up with a proper appreciation for all that she gets. I work hard for my money. I'm not handing over credit to some fictitious guy in a red suit for the things I work hard for. If Genevieve thinks that an expensive toy can simply come for free then she will not have the proper appreciation for it. When she knows that it came via hard work and great sacrifice, she will appreciate it more. Some might think this is selfish on my behalf, but I think it's an important value. While I must guard Genevieve from any stress that comes with finances or anything along those lines, that doesn't mean that she can't have a proper understanding and appreciation for what she has.
3. The Worldview - This is a more recent reason for me that serves as icing on my "no Santa" cake. I believe that Santa skews children's worldviews. American children (of whom even the poor are among the wealthiest in the world) most likely believe that Santa visits children all around the world delivering them nice new toys. The problem with this...even of the kids whose family does celebrate Christmas, many kids around the world will get nothing for Christmas. They will be doing well just to eat a hot meal. This kind of ties into my second reason but I think it's specific enough to warrant its own point. I think it's important for Genevieve to have a proper worldview which is that most people in the world are impoverished...especially in comparison to the American standard.

So...Santa aside, we enjoy the Christmas season. And, as has been the case with many other days and holidays and events, we will likely not be celebrating another Christmas here in the States with our family and friends enjoying our normal traditions for a few years. In fact, if everything goes according to plan, we will not be celebrating another Christmas here until December 2016. Genevieve will be less than one month shy of turning six. Wow, that's crazy to put into words! As a result, we're going to try to do our best to enjoy as much as we can during this Christmas season. Here's a look at some of the things planned or already accomplished:

• Christmas lights - We love looking at Christmas lights. Of course, this means that we love driving around and looking at random Christmas lights. But this also means that we enjoy going to professional light displays too. This past Saturday we enjoyed our first professionally created light display when we went to La Salette in Attleboro, MA. Polly and I had been there before but this was Genevieve's first opportunity. And she LOVED it! She gets excited every evening to see the lights come on on the tree and on the house, so to have such a big and beautifully done display was quite the experience for her. The Violettes (the family that has so graciously let us live with them for the past 4 years) came with us. It was their first time and they all seemed to enjoy it too!
• Christmas parties - Tonight Polly and I will be attending the Southern New England Ministry Network's Central Mass Section's annual Christmas party. I believe this is the 8th straight party for me though it's possible they skipped a year or that I missed one. Regardless I've been to a bunch of them and I enjoy them every year. This is the 3rd straight year that it's being held at the same restaurant which is a great experience. I'm not sure what all is planned for the evening, but we will be among friends and fellow ministers so we know we will enjoy ourselves. This is the first of hopefully quite a few Christmas parties we will be able to enjoy this Christmas season. And hopefully Genevieve will be able to enjoy some too.
• Christmas gatherings - There are many gatherings of people that I don't quite consider to be a party per se but that are still meaningful and enjoyable. We will be celebrating Christmas with my family this coming weekend. We will be getting together with Polly's family the weekend before Christmas through Christmas day itself. Beyond this, we will be getting together with various friends and maybe family at other junctures which will undoubtedly have a Christmas-feel to them.
• Christmas plays - We don't currently have any specific plans to attend any specific plays but I'm sure we'll end up making our way to at least one.
• Christmas caroling - We used to go caroling when I was a kid. Whether we went to a nursing home, a mall or to random neighbors (especially on Christmas Eve when we would go to my aunt's house) we loved to spread Christmas cheer.
• Christmas events - Polly will be helping my mother at an event they are putting on for some underprivileged children. Genevieve and I will be attending an event that a local church is putting on that same day.
• Christmas adventures - Of course, there are always other miscellaneous adventures that we plan to enjoy. For example, we are planning a trip down to New York City this Saturday to see the big tree, go to FAO Schwarz and perhaps even ice skate. We may try to squeeze in some time in Boston and maybe other fun adventures.

How about you? Do you look forward to the Christmas season? Do you enjoy any elements beyond the narrative of the birth of Christ? Do you make fun plans? Would it be hard for you to miss three years of Christmas the way your used to it?

I'm sure I'll post again before Christmas but it's never too early to say this anyway, so: Merry Christmas! We wish you an amazing Christmas season as you celebrate the birth of Christ and spend time with family and friends.

In Christ,

Mike

Better than Expected

In some ways, five years is not a long time. In some ways, though, it is. Five years is usually the lowest increment of time associated with long-term planning. Have you ever been asked about your five-year plan? I was asked that question during a far too lengthy phone interview for my security job. I was only looking to become a security officer to pay the bills since my career job (youth pastoring) could only pay me part-time. If I had a five-year plan, it probably wouldn't have involved working at their company anymore (yet, nearly seven years later, here I am still working for the same company). Now, granted the idea is not to stop at a five-year plan...that's just the starting point. Many others have ten-year and twenty-year plans as well. I absolutely do not operate on these long-term planning models. It's not that I don't have goals, it's just that I try to be flexible to the environment around me. Having a five-year plan is not a bad thing at all. Being unwilling to move away from a five-year plan when situations change or God calls you to something different than you expected, that's not good

Well, even though I can't say that I ever sat down and mapped out a five-year plan five years ago when I was preparing to marry Polly, I think it would be misleading to say that I didn't have expectations or ideas of how life might look five years down the road. I thought it might be fun to take a look back at the last five years:

For example, if you had told me that five years ago today (the last day of my bachelorhood) would be the last time I'd golf for at least five years, I probably wouldn't have believed you. This is not because golf is such a great passion of mine, because it's not. It's just that I have family and friends who enjoy golfing and one might think the opportunity would have presented itself between now and then. The truth is that it really hasn't. I can assure you, though it makes for a great joke, my lack of golfing has nothing to do with being married. It instead has everything to do with my lack of ability and where it ranks on my personal list of priorities. I still think it makes for a great joke though.

Okay, on to a real look back...

Living Arrangements

Expectations:

When Polly and I got married, we moved into a cute little apartment in Southbridge, MA. It was a nice development with a pool and workout room. It was a bit small, but it suited us well. We had a 14 month lease or something along those lines, so I had actually lived there for a couple months before we got married so we could set it up already. I think we both felt that we would live there for a couple years before investing into our own home.

Reality:

We lived in the apartment for one year. A few days before we were going to renew our lease we were invited by a family in our church to come and rent a room in their house in order to save up for a house or pay off loans or whatever. After praying, we felt it was the right decision so we moved in just prior to our first anniversary. Four years later, we're still living there. We balked at the idea of buying a house a couple times but just never did feel right about it. In hindsight, of course, we're happy we never did make that investment as we know other missionaries who are fighting the challenge of selling their houses in this economy. Could God have overcome the economy and helped us sell our house? Sure. Or He could just prevent us from buying one in the first place. I'm happy that's the route things went.

Ministry/Work

Expectations:

When we got married, we were both involved in ministry at Calvary Assembly of God in Dudley, MA. I don't think that we felt we would be there after five years, but neither of us had a clue where we would likely be...in ministry somewhere else though. To pay the bills, I was working as a security officer for a biotech company. I had already been there for almost two years. Polly had just started a new job teaching at a local Christian school. As I already mentioned in the intro, I definitely didn't expect I would be working the security job after five years. Nor did we think Polly would be at the school. Again, we thought we would be moving or transitioning to a full-time ministry opportunity.

Reality:

We only stepped down from ministry at Calvary AG at the end of June in order to focus on our mission adventure to Costa Rica. As I already mentioned above, I'm still working the security job. Polly left the teaching job when Genevieve was born, but has always stayed involved and helped out with school activities. And as of yesterday, she's teaching there once again on a part-time basis (every Thursday).

Family

Expectations:

When we got married, Polly and I both wanted to wait at least two years before trying to have any children. Based on our timetables, I think it's fair to say that we both would have expected a family of four at this point. We definitely thought I'd be the first of my siblings to provide my parents with a grandchild.

Reality:

Just after three years of marriage, God graciously blessed us with Genevieve. She's the only one for now. And she's amazing! I never knew that I had that kind of love within me, but my love for Genevieve is like no other love I've ever known. I chose my wife so it was easy to love her (she always will be my first true love) but I loved Genevieve even before I met her. It's a different kind of love. A very special love. And, as it turned out, my brother Jon provided my parents with their first grandchild. Although I didn't see that one coming at the time, it certainly didn't disappoint me. Spend one second with my nephew Sean and you'd see why I'm proud to be his Uncle Monkey.

Suffice it to say we certainly didn't think we'd be preparing to move to another country. I could go on, but I'll spare you. What all this has taught me is this: Life doesn't always happen the way we expect it, but if we allow ourselves to be flexible and follow the Lord's leading, we discover that different does not mean worse. In fact, if you ask me, my life after five years of marriage is better than I ever could have expected or dreamed it to be.

Go love on your family today. Go enjoy your life. Stop thinking of what could have been and start enjoying what is!

Take care,

Mike