I was thinking and reflecting on my drive to work this morning when something struck me. Polly and I have shared our hearts, thoughts and feelings about our missionary itineration journey through our blogs (this blog and Polly's personal blog) and our Newsletter, but Genevieve has not had the same opportunity. So I thought it might be fun, different, unique, interesting, (insert your preferable relevant adjective here) to try to get into the mind of a 20 month old and express her heart, thoughts and feelings regarding this journey. As such, the italicized section is meant to be read as though it's from Genevieve's mind. Emboldened portions are meant to show how she would actually verbally communicate. Enjoy.
Oooh, look. A room full of toys. I could have so much fun playing with all those. Yeah, yeah, I want to play with them. Mama, put me down, put me down. "Mama. Down." Wait a minute. This morning, Mama said we're going to church. And this doesn't look like Calvary. I'm not really sure who any of these people are. Every time Mama says we're going to church, they drop me in a room full of toys with people I don't know. Whenever I turn around, they're gone. Wait a minute. They're going to do that again aren't they. They're going to leave me here and I won't get to see them for a while. Maybe forever. What if they never come back. Maybe if I cry really loud they'll know how much I don't want them to leave me and they'll just take me with them or stay and play with me. "Waaaaaaahhhhhh. Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. Mama. Da-da. No. No. Mama. Da-da. No. No. Waaaaaaahhhhhhh. Waaaaaahhhhhhh." What? They're going to leave me again anyway. Why would they do this to me? I don't like when Mama and Da-da leave me. I love them so much. They love me too. I know they do because they always tell me and spend time with me. But why did they leave me again? I miss them already. I think I still hear Da-da's voice. Come to think of it, I always hear Da-da's voice. He's really loud. Well, maybe he'll still hear me if I cry loud enough and then come back and get me. I wish I could look him in the eyes. I know he cannot resist me when I look him in the eyes. But he can't see me. I can't see him. I can't see Mama. I miss them. I want them to come pick me up. "Waaaaaahhhhhhh. Mama. Da-da. Mama. Da-da. Waaaaaahhhhh." They're still not coming. I don't know why. I've been crying for a few minutes now. Oooh, look at all these toys. These look so fun. I want to play with them all. Oh, look other kids my size. Maybe they want to play with me too. I want a snack. I wonder if that nice looking lady knows where my snacks are. I could show her where they are but my bag's way up on that counter. I know, I can point to it. Oh, she is giving me my snacks. Mama must have told her about them. I'm not surprised. Mama always remembers my snacks. She loves me. I hope they come back for me. What's that noise outside the door. It sounds like there are parents out there. Maybe one of them is Mama. Is she there? I don't see her. I want this other parent to move out of the way so I can see if Mama's back them. There she goes. Who else is there? Is it Mama. Yes, it's Mama. It's Mama! "MAMA! Ah yo (I love you)! Mama! Da-da?" Oh, I hope she's bringing me to see Da-da now. Yes, every time she comes and gets me and then she brings me to Da-da. Oh, I hear a loud voice. I know that voice. That voice is..."DA-DA! Ah yo! Da-da!" I knew Da-da would want to hold me too. I know he loves me. We had a long drive this morning. I'm getting kind of sleepy. We always each lunch before we drive home. I can probably sleep in the drive home. I hope Mama and Da-da let me listen to my songs this time instead of theirs. Anyway, I'm tired. I know. I'll just lay my head on Da-da's shoulder. Mmmmm. So comfy. I knew they would come back!
I can't be certain that this is an accurate depiction of what goes on in her mind, but based on what we can see, this is the way that makes the most sense to me in trying to piece it together.
You see, when Polly and I wrote about our sense of community and our feelings about visiting different churches each week, we failed to take Genevieve's feelings into account. I mean, don't get me wrong, we think about and discuss them. We just didn't think to write about them. The truth is that Genevieve never really experienced (or at least never communicated to us) separation anxiety until we started visiting different churches every week. It is tough on her and thus tough on us to drop her off at a different church nursery with different people every week. When we stepped down from Calvary AG and stopped attending there on a weekly basis, Polly and I were not the only ones leaving behind our church family, our friends. Genevieve has friends that she loves playing with at Calvary AG. When we visited recently, I think she very much enjoyed seeing them again. She had grown used to seeing and playing with the same kids every week. It's tough for her to see different kids every week. She was used to and had grown to love her teachers. It's tough for her to see different teachers every week. In fact, we have had her returned to us at one service because she never would stop crying. They brought her into the back of the sanctuary and all could hear her yelling for Mama. But, this is a good opportunity for her to grow too. Polly's a stay-at-home mom so we never drop Genevieve off at day care. She needs to grow used to not always being with us. This is an important step in the process toward the independence she will need to thrive later in life. Hopefully, there will come a point when she does realize that we always come back for her so she doesn't have to be worried that we're going to leave her hanging. Of course, hopefully there will come a point when I realize that God will always provide for me and be there for me and that I don't have to worry that He'll leave me hanging. Hmmm...I think I just got a good sermon illustration there.
Aside from the separation anxiety situation, the other major way that Genevieve has been effected through this process is with her schedule. She usually goes down late for a nap on Sundays these days. And she often has to ride in the car for stretches of over an hour. The blessing in this is that since we've started itinerating, she's become quite content riding in the car and has even actually started taking naps in the car in the afternoon AND we can move her to her crib when we get home (she used to go 6 hours car rides without sleeping and it used to be that once she was up from a nap, she was up). She's certainly reaching a much more reasonable age for this to not be such a big deal, so that has been beneficial.
The alternative, of course, is not bringing Genevieve with us when we travel to churches, but I love having the whole family there when possible. Genevieve is a part of our missionary adventure to Costa Rica. Let's be honest, people would rather see her than me anyway. There have been a couple services where we didn't take Genevieve along for her convenience. I've even done a couple services without Polly. But we want these occasions to be the exception and not the rule.
So, if you've been praying for us and want to know what you can pray for, please pray for Genevieve as we visit different churches.
Thanks!
In Christ,
Mike
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