As I celebrated my fifth wedding anniversary with my wife today, I couldn't help but think about the fact that I have an amazing, sweet, funny, beautiful little girl that will most likely get married someday as well. I know it's a long time off from now, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't already be thinking and praying about it the kind of man I want her to marry. So, I do. And I don't mean how he looks, what kind of job he will have, what his talents will be, etc. I'm speaking about what kind of man he is. I'm talking about his character. So, out of that, I've decided to create a list. This is not necessarily intended to be an exhaustive list; it's just a list of the important qualities that come to mind.
I want Genevieve's future husband to be a man...
...after God's own heart - I want him to love the Lord God with all his heart, mind, soul and strength; I want him to love the things that God loves and hate the things that God hates.
...of integrity - I want him to be honest, genuine, authentic; I want him to be the same man in private that he is in public.
...of strong moral character - I want him to be known as a man with strong morals; I want him to be a man of purity and a man with a clear conscience.
...of respect - I want him to respect God, Genevieve and their children as well as everyone else around him; I want him to know and appreciate the precious gem that he will be blessed with when he takes my daughter's hand in marriage.
...of sound judgment - I want him to be able to make the right decisions, no matter how difficult they may prove to be; I want Genevieve to be confident that he will make decisions with her in mind.
...of ambition - I don't care what job/ministry he might be involved in so long as he has ambition to do all that he does to the best of his ability.
...of selflessness - I want him to put Genevieve before himself, even willing to lay his life down for her if the situation called; And I want him to put his children before himself; If he's tired and has had a hard day, his family shouldn't have to pay for it.
...of peace - I am not naive to think Genevieve and her future husband will never disagree; I'm not sure it would even be healthy if they didn't; But I want him to be a man who seeks peace and not arguments, who is more concerned with others' feelings than with being "right" (while not in any way compromising standards, of course).
...of unity - I want him to be a strong head of his household, unifying his family together.
...of a guarded tongue - I want him to choose his words carefully and wisely, never saying things he later wishes he could take back.
...of humility - I want him to remember his spiritual poverty apart from Christ and never feel as though he is incapable of stumbling.
...of romance - I want him to never let the flame of his love for Genevieve die out and for him to remain romantic throughout their marriage; I want him to surprise her and woo her.
...of mercy - I want him to be understanding when Genevieve might do something that drives him crazy.
...of self-control - I want him to be able to exhibit self-control in all things...anger, exercise, etc.
...of good stewardship - I want him to be a good steward of his treasures (money, things), time and talents.
...of obedience - I want him to be sensitive to God's voice and quick to obey it.
I'm absolutely positive that I could keep going on with this list for a while, but I think that is at least a good starting point. So, here's the question. What is the proper thing to do with this information? What do I do with this list? Do I simply sit and go over each item, praying that God will help Genevieve's future husband to have that quality? No, no and a thousand times no. While I do think that there is value in praying specifically for him in the area of each item, I think I have a greater responsibility.
My responsibility...to live out each of these qualities. I do now and will continue to pray for my daughter's future husband in these areas, but more importantly I pray for myself in these areas. How I am in each of these areas teaches Genevieve what to look for in a future husband. For example, if Genevieve saw me lacking peace and self-control and always yelling at her mother, Genevieve would view that as an acceptable way for a man to treat a woman. The simple truth is this...I have no right to expect Genevieve's future husband to be any better a man than I am. I need to live out the example of the type of man I want her to marry.
Likewise, Polly has the responsibility of living out the qualities and characteristics of the woman of virtue that we want Genevieve to grow up to be. Genevieve will model her virtues off of those of her mother. Thankfully, Genevieve has the most virtuous woman I know for a mother. I have no doubt this will suit her well in life.
Does all this assure that everything will go smoothly or perfectly in Genevieve's future marriage? No. But not having this mentality virtually assures that it won't. I want to give Genevieve and her future husband the best fighting chance I can. I know this model works, because I'm the result of it. My parents weren't perfect and there are things that I have been intentional to change (which will probably be true of Genevieve some day as well) but they were a solid example of husband, wife, parent. I grew up knowing that my parents loved each other. I grew up never questioning if things might or might not work out between them. In fact, I'm not sure that I know a couple to this day that is more in love with each other than they are. I am thankful for their example. Now, I'm ready to take that torch and pass off that example to the next generation.
In Christ,
Mike
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